The Psych of Women’s Minds
So what is “The Psych of Women’s Minds” Akila? Good question!
I want to empower guys to be more than men, I want to see them grow into CHAMPIONS. But how are they going to do that unless ladies start taking the time to advise, encourage, and be real. They all say a woman’s mind is complex, so let’s start revealing, exploring, and understanding! True I’m biased, but hey, if they’re any pearls of wisdom that I could share then for sure! I’m gonna share it! Also, I’m not going to lie, the thought of supporting my guys friends to become awesome relational partners for the lady in their life is a pretty good feeling!
I think this is going to be a growing and expanding page. If any guy has a question that he’d like me to answer then please ask! Any girl have another perspective then please share! Also, I really hope my thoughts can create conversation starters for the men/ladies or key man/lady in your own lives. The secret to understanding the Psych of the Mind is to be real and honest with yourself and each other 🙂
Let’s get cracking! 😀
MAKE UP, CLOTHES & SHOES
In a world that evolves around self image it’s critical that a guy doesn’t disregard this factor in the life of women. The only thing that makes a person disabled is the ignorance of those around them. Same with this subject. Brushing it under the carpet is NOT going to work.
Lets start with clothes and make up.
A lot of women don’t like to leave the house without make up. Why? It’s a mask. Often I have worn make up because I’m insecure. Same with many women. In a world that demands a certain type of beauty, it’s very hard to not feel you need to jump on the bandwagon.
Girls get ready for events together so when we see how beautiful they look, we want to know WHY they look so beautiful. “What brand of lip stick is that?”; “Wow how did you get your eyes to look like that?”; “What colour is your foundation?” Our perception of what we think is beautiful is then mimicked on ourselves. If we fail to achieve what the other girl did, we feel crap.
Just recently I was getting ready to go somewhere and I was in a stress because my nose was burnt and peeling; which ment my foundation and power wasn’t going on properly; and in turn made my burnt nose stand out even more. Why was I so stressed? Because I couldn’t achieve the outcome that the world shows me is correct for applying make up!
Not too long ago, my hair had grown which exposed about an inch of really dark hair on the top of my head. Now the rest of my hair was blonde. So I was in a bit of a stress over that, but not too bad. I keep delaying it until the day before my dad’s surprise 50th. Why’s this a big deal?
A girl’s hair is her crown. In one court case where a man cut off his wife’s hair against her wishes the judge ruled it as assault and convicted him of actual bodily harm because of this very reason. Whilst she never suffered any physical harm, her crown was destroyed. God I loved the wisdom of that judge!
Now, go back to my story, whilst dad never knew exactly why I was in a stress about my hair (he didn’t know we were having a massive party), he knew enough about women to take it upon himself to arrange a hair appointment for me and get me there! That event REALLY stood out to me. Thank you Dad! So what’s my point? Sometimes girls feel they need to look the part. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing!
When we go to work, an important meeting, an event, we want to look our best. It really matters to US. I smile when I think of movies that show the pregnant woman trying to get ready for an event and the guy’s like “oh you look beautiful” and she’s like “no I’m not!! I’m a big fat whale!” So true guys. But you can help us by continually saying we look beautiful and by HELPING us.
How? Guys your woman is going to be VERY impressed if she’s in a stress and you ask her, “Is there anything I can do, would you like me to call the hairdressers and make an appointment?” Guys be INTERESTED in her! It’s not turning you into a woman, it’s not de-man-ing you, if you can win her respect and trust with her self-image then that’s a GREAT foundation for her being secure around you. If she’s secure around you then mate, that helps A LOT of things.
Sometimes we wear make up simply because we have a giant Mount Everest of a pimple to hide. The whole purpose of make up is to hide the things we don’t want others to see. Again, that’s not always a bad thing. But you can help her by complimenting her when she doesn’t where make up.
We often say to people, “Oh don’t worry I didn’t even notice it“. Well, let’s be honest, I’ve lied several times when girls ask me if I notice their zits. So what hope do guys have? Tell her she is BEAUTIFUL. Tell her she does not need to worry because she’s stunning. Better yet… tell her your really sorry she’s stressed and if she’d like to later, you’d like to pamper her to make her feel better! Whether that’s running her a bath, getting her a hot choco, allowing her the control of the tv remote…
Guys, if I was that chick you’d be winning massive points with me right now and I’d probably be forgetting the massive pimple on my face. Be proud of her! Show her that you know what you have when she’s around you. It all sounds pretty extreme doesn’t it. All because of a stupid pimple. But it matters to US.
Sometimes we just wanna wear make up to look beautiful for you. We want to make an effort and give you what we think is the best of us.
Clothes! Again what a subject. Now, I’m one of those chicks that totally wants to know what I should wear. You can be fairly certain that if your lady is going out, she’ll be asking for advice from her girlfriends! When you first see someone what do you see, their clothes. Clothes make impressions. If my man came home day and I was wearing slacks in his subconscious he’d notice because if I greeted him with a cute dress on he’d notice I wasn’t in slacks!
Again, how a girl dresses is very similar to the concepts of make up. But guys, here’s something from experience. Fitzy won major points in my books because he OBSERVED what I wear. He pays attention and he knows my wardrobe. Now, trust me he definitely doesn’t go through my clothes and check them all out. But I love going on what we call “adventures” with him. I always tell him don’t tell me what we’re doing today, I like surprises, so keep it a surprise. It makes it more of an adventure. The only problem is… what the bloody heck do I wear if I don’t know what I’m doing?!
But because Fitz knows my style, he can tell me “casual” or “formal” or “it’s a dress kinda thing” and I trust him! Not once have I gone somewhere and thought oh crap I’m totally not wearing the right thing for this. Again, to us girls it’s a big deal. We notice it when others, guys and girls, are not dressed for the environment we’re in. So massive well done to you Fitz for hacking that skill!
Shoes… women love shoes. The outfit is the main focus, but if we don’t have the right shoes then it can destroy the entire outfit. Don’t get stressed when she comes home with more clothes and shoes… the majority of women are not stupid and when we say “I needed it“, there’s a certain amount of truth to that.
In our minds we’re trying to keep up with the world around us, so we “need” to continually spend. Again, help her! Help her feel beautiful, even if it means going through her cupboard with her to find an outfit, encourage her! Do it! It will really help your relationship even if you hate it because you’re empowering her to feel beautiful in the right context.
If you really want her to be your life partner than walk the journey with her. “For better for worse” in your marriage vows include this too! You win her respect, trust, and joy by willingly helping in the area of make up, clothes and shoes, she will notice your kind words and actions and she will want to thank you and make you happy in return.
Okies… I’m gonna leave it there for now 🙂
Expanding on what I wrote about clothes, shoes, and make up. Here’s the dreaded question, “Do I look fat in this?” Let’s look at the concept of “What do I look like?”
I’m not a visual person by nature. But when I comes to clothes I’m visual. Why do we ask “How do I look?” It’s because we’re looking for your visual approval, interest, and encouragement. It helps our confidence. We like to be pleasing to the eyes around us.
I ask “How do I look?”, not to send your brain into a spaz attack. I’m not trying to play games with you, and when you answer “You look beautiful” and I go “You’re just saying that! I’m going to redo my hair/change my outfit/or try a whole new set of jewelry!!” We don’t do it to frustrate you.
We do it because we’re not happy inside. We want to be loved, admired, and ENCOURAGED. Even when I ask my sister “Laura how do I look?” If she doesn’t reply “Oh my gosh you look amazing!!” Then I immediately ask her “What’s wrong with the outfit.”
“Fine” is not an answer boys. Neither is “Good“. We want to look “Stunning, hot, beautiful...” We want to see you smile when you say it. That way we know you looked at us and felt something good inside to make you smile. If it’s really clear she’s not happy with the way she’s dressed or looks, tell her “I understand you don’t feel great right now, but I want you to know I think your amazing.”
If she then goes ahead and changes or redo her hair… don’t get angry, don’t take it personally. IN FACT be honoured at the fact that she wants to look her best for you and make great impressions on others. She wants to make you proud to have her on your arm when you’re around other people. In time, your honesty and encouragement will build her trust and she will stick to the outfit, make up, hair do, that she’s done.
What if she looks like a mess? Well, it depends on what is making her look like a mess. Let’s go back to clothes. If it really doesn’t look good on her, tell her that! But nicely! The best way to say that is “This outfit is great, but if you want my honest opinion I think that one looks better.”
EXPLAIN WHY you like this or that one better! She’ll trust your opinion more if you explain why. “Because your legs look awesome in it“; “Because it shows off your tan“; “Because it….” Tell her! You’re her partner and she values what you say… so pay attention to her emotions, dress style, and what she is getting ready for! Don’t tell her to wear jeans to a cocktail party! 😛
If she looks like a mess because of her make up. Firstly, don’t condemn her. If you notice how bad a job she’s done chances are she definitely has noticed. Remember she’s trying to look beautiful for you. So, when she is next not wearing make up tell her you love the way she looks “el naturel” 😛
If it’s that she has too much eyeliner or too much bronzer… don’t tell her “Your eyes look like panda eyes” or “You look like an orange“. Simply say “You look beautiful.” When you get the opportunity to at a later time, tell her you love the fresh look.
If she’s smudged her eye make up or lipstick then totally feel free to lean over and whisper “I’m not sure but I think you may have smudged your make up.” DON”T draw attention! Guys hate it when girls put them down in public. This is the same! Also, if our skirt is revealing our butt, if we have toilet paper stuck to our shoe, if you ever think there’s something wrong and it will embarrass us… TELL US! We want to know! We’d rather you, our best friends tell us than some random stranger!
What you have to try to remember is women are emotional. We care about what others think. About you think, do, say, how you respond. We look for signs ALL the time. So please respond accordingly. You don’t need to cry when you see us, or be fake in any way. Just make eye contact and smile at her and whisper those words we long to hear, “You look beautiful“.
We will try to rationalise it, we will try to put your words down, we will say “I don’t believe you“, “You’re just saying that“, “Oh thanks but this that and the other is wrong“… just continue to smile at us like you’ve fallen across a mine full of treasures, even draw us close to you, give us a cuddle and continually tell us “You may think that, but I think you look amazing.”
We’re moody, snappy, and stressed out when we get dressed. We’re not aiming that at you but outwardly expressing inward emotions. We’re trying, and we’re failing. So please don’t get stressed or angry with us. We feel like crap after anyways and we want to make it up to you. Maybe ask us if there’s anything you can do to help and stay out our way. But never take it personally. We’re trying to PLEASE YOU. Crazy reverse psychology isn’t it.
Okies… time to leave it there again 🙂