Step Into My World…

Archive for February, 2012

Let’s Be Honest Now!! … :D

I think part of the best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realise you’re wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

There should be an instruction manual that comes with a fitted sheet demonstrating how to fold it.

Google really needs to start their directions on point 2, 3, 4 or 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my street.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day (2pm!!!!).

Can we all just agree to ignore what ever technology comes after blue-ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…AGAIN… nor do I want to learn how to use it.

I’m always slightly terrified when I exit word and it askes me do I want to save any changes to my ten page document that I didn’t make any changes to.

I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with adverts that advertise jewellery leads to kisses. Personally I think more people kiss because they’re wasted!

I wish Google map had a “avoid this neighbourhood” routing option.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

I ask “what?” twice and on the third time I will always nod and smile.

I smile when an entire line of cars team up to prevent another car from cutting in front.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? They never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

Sometimes I check the time three times and still not know what time it is.

Even in ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and pinning the tail on the donkey… but I bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, and EVERY time!

The first testicular guard, the cup, was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realise their brain is also important.

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Why Am I Back In England? – The Explosive Truth About Australia

Hey!

So why am I back in England? And what happened in Australia? As most of you know I was supposed to stay there for a year but I ended up returning after 4 months. I didn’t tell a lot of people that I’d be returning which I’ll explain in a minute also.

I was invited out to Australia to work with a church on some of their projects, however there was a change in their organisational strategy. Technically everyone can relate to that and understand that things change. It really is as simple as that. I wasn’t doing what I went out to do and whilst I was helping out with administration and the youth… I wasn’t feeling like I was being used, or using my own time/energy/resources very effectively or efficiently. Sure you know, it was a bumpy and painful ride with many tears but I left on good terms with everyone and them with me.

The reason I didn’t tell many people I was returning to England was because (i) I didn’t have the emotional capacity to have the same conversation over and over again; (ii) I wasn’t sure if I was returning to Australia; and (iii) Laura was going to turn 18 and so I wanted to surprise her by showing up in time for her birthday.

I wanted to return to Australia, really. I tried making plans to do so but long story short, God closed that door. Many people kept saying to me “Akila, maybe you were never supposed to work on these projects with this church but God used that to get you out there and he will reveal what it is that he really wants you to do.” Fair enough, but it appears to me that my time in Australia was ment to be only 4 months… and not a year.

Did I hear God right? Did I make a mistake? “Akila do you regret selling all your things?” I learnt so much in Australia. One key thing being “I can’t answer if I heard God right or not, but I can answer whether I trust him or not.” I can only understand my life in retrospect and so maybe my experience of Australia for those 4 months will be relevant in the future. The other thing is I am more and more sure that God uses people in the moment. I had some great times with my family. And maybe God enabled me to go out there just to have the opportunity to live life with my family for a short time. And no. I don’t regret selling my things. I needed the money at the time more than my belongings. And I honestly don’t remember a lot of what I sold which goes to show how little I needed those items. A lot of people supported me and yes, I went through a period of feeling incredibly guilty that they gave me this money and I didn’t use it in the way I told them I would. Dad’s tried to explain it to me that it wasn’t my fault that things changed and that I only went on the information that was given to me by those inviting me. But still I felt and still do feel a little like I cheated those who supported me as I didn’t end up doing what they supported me to do.

Slightly funny story, but we’re suppose to speak truth into our lives. And so when I start hearing my integrity being questioned I remind myself that I wouldn’t even steal toilet paper when I thought I needed it! I found myself in this quite bizarre situation where I was kinda “homeless” and all I could think about was my budget didn’t accommodate high rent payments and if I’m spending all my money on rent then how would I afford toilet paper?! Never mind food, I was just trying to come up with all the ways I could wipe my bum!

Up until about 3 weeks ago I was making plans to return to Australia but as I said things really didn’t come together. So now I’m making it public that I am in fact back in England. I’ve been trying to kid myself that I’m not here. I made the grand escape from our city, to Australia, and got sent back! Some weird reverse history going on there. Maybe it’s because I don’t have a criminal record. No, in all seriousness, I don’t really want to be here. But I can’t really imagine myself anywhere else either right now. So I guess until I make my peace about being here or work out where I’m going next… then I’m staying here.

I’ve been applying for jobs and playing with the idea of getting a car. I don’t have the money for one yet but the job I really want is with the youth offending team and so I would need a car for it. I’ve been trying to catch up with people regularly and for a while there I was super lonely but it’s getting better now that I have more to do in life. For Valentine’s Day I had about 8 girls over for a girlie afternoon and nice meal. And right now I have two projects that I’m helping with that I’m pretty excited about.

One of them is MC-ing and running a youth event to raise awareness of how we can support and pray for the muslim nations. And one of them is a ladies event on “What is Love“. We’ve been given a gay club/bar free of charge in the city and we’re inviting hundreds of women to come along. The day will have real stories from women about their search for love, worth, acceptance and how they came to faith; make-up tutorials; chances to win new designer clothes and beauty products; and a free lunch for everyone. I’m so excited about this. I find it amazing how open and inviting this club was towards us. They were so accommodating and laid back when we went yesterday and discussed things! I just have this real sence that God’s going to do something pretty amazing. What an opportunity hey! I’ll keep you all posted about that.

So bizarrely whilst I don’t really want to be here… God’s been dropping things on my doorstep that are just amazing opportunities and I’m getting to meet lots of people, build new relationships and all sorts. But I’m still refusing to join a gym or get a phone contract because then I really am committing to stay here 😛 Haha. and don’t get me wrong, God was faithful to me in Australia and brought along the right people at the time to help me along the way. I always find it amazing how we have expectations on certain people in our lives but it’s other the ones we least expect that seem to be the key players. I am so incredibly grateful to them and to you all who have walked life with me.


An Inspiring Story…

Tonight, before a hundred or so people, a young lady will stand on the platform and say the words, “I believe.”

Her name’s Kim. And this is the story…

Before Mike died he was working at McDonald’s to raise the funds needed to go to worship college. Whilst he was there he developed a friendship with Kim. Mike being Mike he was a quiet guy and so I often wonder how he developed such a friendship with her. Nevertheless Kim openly shared her life story with him. One day, around Christmas time, mum was putting Mike’s clothes into the wardrobe when she found a teddy bear hidden somewhere in the back. Thinking it was for either myself or for Laura she didn’t really think twice about it… until Mike went into town and the teddy went with him. When he returned mum questioned him about this mysterious teddy and Mike explained that he gave it to Kim. Thinking like a mother, mum tried to explain to Mike that giving a teddy to a girl might give her the impression that he was after more than a friendship. Mike simply replied, “No, I did it to make her feel better.” Mike has two sisters, and so he did know what made us feel better in our times of need. For him he just wanted in some small way to make Kim’s day better.

After Mike died we later found out from Kim that he also left her Christian music in her bag at work. Apparently he was too shy to give it to her personally. But bit by bit Mike shared his faith with her and even brought her along to his bible study at church. I so have to smile at this thought. Mike barely talked yet he had so much to demonstrate. He knew simple love and acceptance. Mike was so “naive” in so many ways but he was also really switched on. Mike wasn’t a big time preacher with a platform talking to thousands about God… He was just Mike. And somehow God used him in such a simple and almost quiet way to share to Kim God’s love for her. I mean, what guy brings you a teddy or puts music in your bag to make you feel better?! I’m so grateful to Kim that she saw past any “weird” or “unnatural” behaviour. What Mike was doing wasn’t exactly “normal“. But as a brother loving his sister… yeah, we need more of that sort of love in our friendships with others… and Mike wasn’t afraid to demonstrate this.

Mike died… but bit by bit Kim continued with finding peace. And tonight she’s getting baptised. So often I say to God that I want more out of Mike’s death. My demands are high and I hope He forgives me for that. I was talking to Dan recently and he asked if I ever prayed for God to bring Mike back to life. I don’t remember doing so, I just remember begging through blinding tears for God to do something amazing through this. I could accept Mike was gone if I knew there was a purpose. Sometimes we think that our lives have great importance and we’re to save the entire world. Eliminate poverty once and for all or something. What if our sole purpose on earth only lasts 5 minutes and it was to talk to someone? And the rest of the time is for us to enjoy and live faithfully and well… What if Mike was here just to lead one person to inner peace? He wanted to be a worship leader, leading people into worship. But what is worship? It’s not just song and dance… it’s a life style. Mike in his life and death… he has played a part in leading us into worship. God used Mike to help Kim…

♪ …Don’t you give up now, The sun will still be shinning, You gotta face the clouds to find the silver lining, I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains, Hope that doesn’t ever end even when the sky is falling, And I’ve seen miracles just happen, Silent prayers get answers, Broken hearts become brand new, That’s what faith can do… ♪ – Kutless


So That’s What You Look Like…

No words can ever explain how this has made me feel inside. Years of blood, sweat, tears, energy, support, love, laughter, advice, moments, bonding, adventures… Years of life. So much of me was invested in you. Then you left. But what you left behind was broken to pieces and gutted out. Literally. I know you’re not there anymore. I know it didn’t hurt you. But in ripping you apart, they ripped what I had loved. They broke me. It wasn’t a shell, a carriage, a form. It was everything that I had ever known. Destoyed. Totally destroyed. And all I keep thinking about is that is what sin looks like. Sin doesn’t just stick on someone like a post it note. Sin uses shears and blunt saws to tear open your heart and body. It with force grabs hold of your entire insides and rips them out with one ruthless motion. With knives everything is stripped away and laid out bear. Under the microscope everything is analysed. Ugly. Naked. Repulsive. Broken. Then it all gets dumped back in. No wonder God is the only one that can save us. Fix us. Heal us. No doctor, no medicine, no amount of rest can ever sew it all back together. To place each part back where it belongs and make it work again. Brand new. I feel like I’m staring at the face of this darkness. I feel like this has been such an intense revelation and I don’t know what to do with it. I want to tell you that tonight, I wish you didn’t pick me to go through this. I wish I knew why… Why to everything. Tomorrow, I’ll continue forward, but tonight… hear my heart God.