Time to update you all again…I actually have quite a bit to share but lets start with my mock driving test.
Surprisingly, I was actually nervous. I didn’t think I would be but I was. It started off pretty good… as these things usually do… but then I did some massively stupid things and managed to get quite a few majors. All of them I thought to myself “Akila, all those mistakes were not worth the fail. If you’re going to fail then at least get a major in something massive. NOT for parking too far away from the kerb towards the end of your test!”
I was really glad I did the test… as I should be feeling pleased that all my mistakes are very easily correctable. But with so many majors I’m like “shit, this is so not gonna happen.” As in, pass my test. Sure I need to just keep practicing. And sure I gotta be pleased with what I can do well, which according to the instructor is independent driving, driving off from being parked and some other stuff that I can’t remember. But “majors, majors, majors you’re going to fail” is floating around my brain right now. Incase you’re wondering, I’m allowed 15 minors and NO majors.
This afternoon I’ve been wondering to myself, why am I even doing this? I don’t even like driving and when I’m in Australia I wont even have a car. So why why why am I putting all this pressure on myself? I’m not really sure what to think right now. If I say “Screw it, if I pass I pass and if I don’t then oh well never mind” then that might work cos without the pressure I might do better… but that could backfire and I’d do even worse because I “won’t care“. *Sighs*… I really need everyone to pray. I don’t wanna pass if I’m not yet a safe driver. But I do wanna be a safe enough driver to pass my test so I can just get my license and then never ever drive again haha. No seriously, I wanna be a safe driver and pass my test.
I’m fast losing motivation at the moment with stuff, not just driving, a few things. And these things are just such hard work… and I know that’s life and I should just suck it up… I’m just feeling a little like “everything is such a massive effort and for what?” Right now the end results just don’t seem to be worth it. But at the same time I also know God has the potential to make the end results of all these things so much more than what we ever thought. And so we all just gotta keep pushing forward right?
I’ve learnt something about myself though. I hate it when things become my life. If I’m eating, sleeping, breathing one core topic then I lack energy to concentrate on other things. Like if I being consumed by university work, or driving, or a key relationship… I think I’m all or nothing and if I’m all then nothing else has as much drive behind it. Like now… my brain cells are literally being used up on driving, even when I sleep I dream about driving, and even though I have so much Australia related stuff to do I just cannot find the energy to work on that after driving for 2 hours and thinking about it for 7 hours. Maybe I need to mediate… that’s about clearing the mind right? Well we all know how that’s going to go… I’ll end up eating something hahahahahah.
Ok, onto other more exciting stuff… I start my work placement on Wednesday, I had a friend come visit this weekend, and funny enough, she’s moving to Australia the same time I am. I’ve known her for 18 years and we’ve been pretty close through out this time. In fact she’s pretty much apart of the family haha. And what are the chances, she’s going to Sydney and I’m going to Brisbane. Close enough to see each other with needing to sell our body parts for cash like that dude selling his kidney for an Ipad… having said that I wonder how much I could get for my appendix? They’re a bit useless anyways right? 😛
I’ve forgotten what else I was gonna say… hmmm… oh no I remember! I spoke to the assistant pastor and his wife yesterday and they were telling me about my room being ready for me when I get there! Eak, exciting! 😀 Ok, well as part of my just cracking on and pushing forward I’m gonna finish off packing up my room. With Friends in the background… surprise surprise! 😛