Step Into My World…

Archive for October, 2010

What Women Want


I still have things to update you on from my weekend away with the church. However! I was talking to a friend yesterday about encouraging guys. We know ALL about what guys do wrong or don’t do/say. But what do they do right or could do/say?

I was reading an article not too long ago about all these tips guys should take regarding girls and the writer was actually amazed by what women REALLY want! Why?! These tips were so obvious! Today the concept of relationships seem to be so complicated. Guys don’t know what girls want and girls don’t know what guys want. The media tells us “x, y, z” and our hearts say “a, b, c“. Everyone ends up in tears.

This year at M.T.O (camp) I asked a bunch of guys to do an interview for the girls regarding the following questions: “What do guys look for in a girl“; “How important is self image really?”; and “What’s one piece of advice you could give girls?”

WELL weren’t us girls surprised! So here’s what I’m going to do. I have decided I’m pretty switched on with girls, because I am one, and I’m honest… mwuhahahahahahaha (genius-I’m-on-a-mission-laugh). So I’m going to dedicate a WHOLE SECTION on my blog to relationships. The truths and myths of women revealed… from my perspective 😛

True every girl is different, but I’m also doing this for myself. Not only do I wanna encourage men to be champions. But I want ladies to realise they don’t have to settle for seconds… as the saying went, “You don’t need a man, you need a champion.” So be patient girls, encourage the men around you, and help them grow into real men and not want the media portrays.

Okies… time to create this section! 😛

The section has been created… and it’s called “The Psych of Women’s Minds.” You can find it in the top right hand corner of my blog 🙂 Keep an eye on it as I’ll update it over time 🙂

Nudges from God


So also on Thursday, when we arrived we each had a gift on the bottom of our bed. Well… you wouldn’t believe what it was. A diary. I THINK God might, just might be trying to give me a hint. The night before I was saying I didn’t have the discipline to write in a diary… maybe God wants me to write to Him. So I started. This is my own private “just me and God talks“. Good hey! 🙂

Walking with Recognition


So as you know I went away on a church retreat with the ladies. The thoughts from the previous night weren’t really on my mind. However, I suppose they weren’t too far away. The place we were staying was beautiful so that automatically lifted my spirits. But what I really want to share was what came out of that evening’s meeting.

The whole message was about how God uses the “left overs” in your life. Just when you think it’s all over, you have nothing to give, or the energy to continue… God is using it all to shape you. He’s getting you to the place where He needs you to be. 60% of a diamond’s mass is lost when it’s cut and shaped but it’s worth so much more and has far greater value when it’s finished. Talk about suited for me! Just the night before I was a mess and less than 24 hours later God was explaining it all to me. Giving me treasures of Hope, Peace, Love and Understanding…

Here are my notes from the meeting…

“Jesus is passionate about you.”

“Everyone prays for new blessings… but no one prays for a new wine skin. Why? Because it costs, and no one is naturally willing to pay the price”

“God saw the destiny, anointed you, and because He knows all, He has already seen you finish it.” – Talk about God giving you confidence to walk with your head high and the conviction to rebuke Satan and his lies!

“In His Kingdom, the scraps are worth more than the original.”

“Once you’re reduced to what is precious, your eyes open.”

“He makes the leftovers greater than what I had in the beginning.”

Pastor Royree took the story from Luke 24 where Jesus appears on the Road to Emmaus. After reading the story in her quiet time, Royree asked God… “Well we know what these guys were thinking on that walk, but what did you think of that walk?” God told her, “Oh I enjoyed that walk very much!”

Often in life we feel we’re walking a journey, and God isn’t with us. We can’t feel his presence. “God what are you doing?! Why don’t you just show up!!” These two men were depressed, Jesus had been killed. It was all over. But there’s the thing, they failed to recognise Jesus was with them. They were actually walking WITH him, and they failed to realise that.

Where were you Jesus when I needed you the most. Where were you when this was happening in my life?” God’s response? “I WAS and AM the Happening.

The Hope of the Disciples got stuffed. They went out full and came back empty. Jesus was dead. That’s what we feel too when things go wrong in our lives. Our hope is stuffed. We went out full. Now we’re empty. But here’s the thing… when we’re “dealing” with our left overs… God is explaining them to us. God uses emptiness.

So what did I get out of all that… God is ALWAYS with me. What an encouragement. God has A LOT planned for me and my left overs! I need to learn to recognise Him. Once I get a copy of the message I’ll add it to this post so you can hear the full message for yourselves 🙂

I was also given two words by two separate people. One was from Kim. During the worship she told me she had a vision of me dancing with God. Like a child. I was wearing a cute little daisy dress. The kind a little girl would. And we were dancing in a field, childlike, and intimate. The other word was from Janette who simply wanted to encourage me that God has good things for me. Thank you God for loving me! Thank you for the timing of that message and for opening my heart to receive all that you could give me out of that message!

How it all Started…


The start of a long and radical process started on Wednesday night when I had a mini breakdown… I suppose that’s what you could call it. I fully cried and felt so under pressure. I had all these emotions and thoughts that I couldn’t share with anyone, or with myself as I wasn’t sure I could deal with myself, and so it was really getting to me. Usually I turn to blogging however I just couldn’t bring myself to write online where you all could read my thoughts. So I tried writing on a piece of paper to God…

Here are some of the things I wrote that I’m now willing to share haha…

“Often I have found I want to write but can’t. Often I want to speak out, reflect, and explore… But I don’t feel I can. I love blogging, but the issue is, people read what I write. I fear people will read my blogged thoughts and expose me in their minds more than I care for or desire. Often I have thought about writing poems, riddles, something that only makes sense to me. I don’t have the discipline to write a diary. Blogging really suits me. It’s a friend that gives me space, doesn’t judge, records my mind which in turn helps me process the codes and riddles of my mind. I’ve developed a relationship with blogging and myself through writing my mind online. I wish I was elaborate, colourful and skillful when I write. Instead, I just write what’s on my mind. Raw and honest. So can you imagine my frustration when I wanna type what my heart’s really screaming but can’t due to restrictive factors. Factors I can’t even share. Even as I write this I don’t feel free. Like I have to apologise for what I do write, and walk on egg shells. But when I actually think about what I wanna share… there’s nothing.”

“It’s easier to shove my thoughts far far far away in the back of my mind. I’m sure I know how this will all end anyways. So what’s the point.”

“I’m just an idiot, who was I kidding.”

“Time to be strong. Time to build up the walls around me again.”

“I’ve written so much and crossed even more out. I can’t tell you what I feel inside because I’m scared.”

“You’ll judge me.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it… because I don’t know how.”

“I’m hurting inside, and don’t need attention. I just want to know I’m worth something and valuable to someone because I don’t feel the importance of my existence.”

“I’m so insecure, and such an introvert these days.”

“I don’t want you freaking out, I’m just trying to make sence of me, life, you…”

“I’m confused, and I don’t understand why I’m here.”

“Why am I here God? Who needs me or wants me? Clearly you have something for me, otherwise I’d be gone. But surely, what is so important?”

Hello Brisbane… Again!


When I left Brisbane on the 29th of September I never thought I’d be back here 19 days later! What a surprise hey haha.

So I arrived here late afternoon Monday, the family I’m staying with had just finished making a bed and I got to be the first person to sleep on this new bed and mattress! Pretty awesome haha. Monday evening I went to a Scrapbooking evening at the church. Was pretty funny to hear people say, “Akila! You’re back?! What are you doing here!?” Haha.

Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty much chill days with a bit of shopping, chatting, relaxing, and hanging out with the family I’m staying with. It was heaps good. Erin and I watched “Dear John“… what a major disappointment!! As Erin said, “Maybe they used up all the good stuff on ‘The Notebook’“.

Thursday Erin and I left to go up to the Sunshine Coast for a ladies weekend away with the church. There were about 60 ladies on the retreat and it was sooooooo much fun! I’ll share more about this in a different post. But the place we stayed was amazingly beautiful. It had so many facilities. Our apartment was two levels and overlooked the lagoon. Thursday night, all day Friday and Saturday morning we had different conferences or meetings… however you wanted to describe it. Was pretty powerful stuff. The church was so kind to get me on this weekend because God really spoke to me during that time.

Check out to see where I was!

Saturday afternoon about 8 ladies and I went to a nearby park and ate fish and chips before heading home. Major laughs being with the girls and listening to their conversations! When we got home I managed to stay awake long enough to talk to Fitz and Dad on Skype, as well as a fairly decent chat with Erin before going to sleep. I desperately needed it!

Sunday I went to church in the morning… which was pretty awesome and again I’ll explain why in a different post. Sunday morning it was the birthday party of the 3-year-old grandson of the family I’m staying with. I had a total revelation when I saw the aftermath of the event. There was very little to the house that made you think it was any different to a house party thrown by a young adult! It was a MESS haha. Was good fun though… although I was in need of escaping at some points. So Justin took me for a ride on the motorbike haha. Was pretty funny! I gripped the handrails so hard that when it was time to get off the bike my hands were painful to move haha 🙂

Today I’ve been catching up with emails, blogging, people, and a number of other things… Tomorrow I’m meeting up with Melinda to watch “Eat Pray Love” and maybe go bowling. Whatever we do I’m looking forward to it! The weather here hasn’t been amazing… very muggy, lots of rain, we had thunder and lighting last night. In my room there’s a massive roof to floor window so it’s pretty cool to look out it at night…

Anyways, that’s a small update on what’s been happening… now I’ll write the in-depth version haha.



Aw man! I have SO much to update you all on. What an amazing week it’s been. I’ll have to share everything in a few different posts. But I’m itching to post this one first.

So many constantly ask me, “How did you get to where you are today?”, “How do you find inner healing?”, “Why did you never turn from God when Mike died?“, “Why do you have so much faith and how can I get it?”… along with many other questions. In a very short answer it comes down to choice. I can share much more another time. But for now I wanted to share these lyrics with you. This is my answer to those answers. This is what it really boils down.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of worship lately. Why is it I feel so different inside since Mike died? Why do I feel a sense of being alive inside? Suddenly why does everything have a different colour, a different perspective, a different concept, a different feeling… I think real worship is a part of who you are. It’s not just a Sunday morning activity, or noise you have in the background… but it’s something you feel in every fiber of your being. A real sense of the Holy Spirit inside you desperate to expand from the small cavity of your chest.

I can given you a number of examples of how to develop Worship to become apart of your DNA. But for now… listen, mediate and reflect on these lyrics. When I heard this song, I could so identify with it. Now, it’s a battle cry. This really summed up how I’ve been feeling inside and couldn’t find the words to express it; and it’s also my prayer for so many of you that you too will hear the calling of God in refreshed, re-convicted, and renewed ways.

Time to say “Screw You Satan” and take back the authority we’re giving to him to control our lives and minds and allow God and His Holy Spirit into our hearts and minds instead. You want radical? You want to see the bible in the 21st century? You want a real relationship with God? Then let me ask you to explore these lyrics of truth and encouragement and let them minister to you…

Something we’ve never seen,

Something we’ve never fathomed,

The power of Love redeemed,

Power we’ve just imagined,

Maybe it’s in the breeze,

Maybe the sound that follows,

Maybe it starts with me,

Maybe it’s just in my shadow,

I am a willing vessel

I am an open channel,

I am salt and light and I am on the move,

I’ll keep holding tight,

I will keep pressing forward

Wont look left or right,

I’m in pursuit,

My eyes are fixed on You,

Insatiable my hunger,

I will not be stopped,

I will Break Through,

Miracles never dreamed,

Mysteries never spoke,

Power of eyes that see,

Wonder of eyes wide open,

Your Spirit within me strong,

Sounding above the battle,

Fire within my song,

Burning beneath Your shadow,

I’m a willing vessel,

I am an open channel,

Love is fearless now,

And I’m After You,

I’ll keep holding tight,

I will keep pressing forward

Wont look left or right,

I’m in pursuit,

My eyes are fixed on You,

Insatiable my hunger,

I will not be stopped,

I will Break Through,

I will keep asking until I’ve been given more,

I will keep seeking until I have found the door,

I knock and I’ll keep knocking,

Believing I am longing,

I need You, I need You, I need You Lord,

I’ll keep holding tight,

I will keep pressing forward

Wont look left or right,

I’m in pursuit,

My eyes are fixed on You,

Insatiable my hunger,

I will not be stopped,

I will Break Through.


To listen… please go to and click on the song called “Breakthrough“. You may need to scroll down the list of songs to find it 🙂



Wednesday morning, 9am, I got on the bus back to Perth. Thankfully the journey, although long at almost 8 hours, went stress free. After reaching Armadale I braved the Australian public transport and got a train to Oak Street, then a bus to Kalamunda.

Fitz was working and so I got to meet his parents and brother all on my own! Yey! Haha. No, it was so good to finally meet them in person… not on Skype! Fitzy’s absence also ment I could find out some good stories before he came home and subsequently tease him over them! Fitz and I have officially discovered we have a tradition of brushing our teeth together.

Thursday Fitz had to go to university and so he left me at the beach from 10am til 2.45pm. Whilst time went quickly, I got fairly red and we had the genius idea of staying in the sun a bit longer. Clever. My nose got it the worst after a total of 6 hours sun tanning haha. After sunbathing for a bit we went to get a drink from a bar on the beach front and meet up with Beth for another drink. Was good to hang out as a group again! We just needed Adam to join us and it would have been like old times on the ship.

Friday Fitz had to go to university in the morning and work during the day. I was able to crack on with about a million emails and travel planning things to do which was really productive! Friday night’s menu included the movie “Date Night” (epic film!!) and Jamaican rum… we called it our Caribbean Themed Night haha. Oh and apparently we have decided that I’m meeting him in New York in Feb haha.

Saturday Fitz took me to Kings Park in the morning which was pretty cool and we spent ages eating a sandwich in Subways in the afternoon. By the time we got back to his parent’s we only had time for a quick change of clothes before meeting up with one of his friends, Nell, and heading off to Fremantle for the evening. I had a great time! After having a drink in one of the main street bars they took me to “Cicerellos” for fish and chips, “Baskin and Robbins” for ice cream, then onto “The Loft” for drinks and a “Comedy Night“. Sorry, I’m guilty, I did laugh at all the inappropriate stuff! Oh… and “Never Have I Ever” is a good game to play with Fitz when you wanna know any of his “secrets” HAHA.

Sunday was a bit of a chill day in the morning… well actually not really. I woke up around 9am and had to wake up poor Fitz to ask him for a smaller suitcase to take with me to Brisbane the next day. Fitz had to work in the afternoon so after lunch with his parents Nell and I went shopping in Perth. Don’t actually think we bought anything but we did enjoy sitting at a “Belgium Beer” Bar. Thank You Nell for the awesome chats! Once Fitz got home later that afternoon he and I went over to the house of another two of his friends. Finally got to meet Chris, Kieran and Jess, Chris’s girlfriend! Steak night, Uno, and Xbox certainly was a good night… however, I’m not very good at playing Uno as we quickly discovered haha. Actually, I’m great at Uno, just Chris and Fitz kept putting a zero card down which ment the cards got passed the direction og the game and I kept getting their handfuls of cards, cards, and more cards!!

Monday morning Fitz and I drove to the airport and I boarded an East bound plane to Brisbane at 9.30am…

I have had so many people ask why am I not going home, what’s happening with Fitz and I… as well as about a million other questions. As you know I am extending by 5 weeks. Yes there is a part of my reason to stay being that I had a great time with Fitz and wasn’t ready to go home, he is after all my best friend. But I also wasn’t ready to go home because the weather is awesome here, and it was right for me to come back to Brisbane for a couple of weeks. Plus, there’s not a mad rush for me to get back to England. Fitz and I have had a number of talks, some pretty full on. I guess all that’s natural. I’m sure we will be having more chats when I go back to Perth haha. But if there’s any gossip or details worth sharing then it’s this. Please pray for us, our friendship, future, decisions… Pray that we are fully open to God and His calling… as well as being fully ready to respond accordingly. We need clear minds, peaceful hearts and honesty with ourselves, each other, and God.

Anyways… for now, I’ll leave it as that 🙂