Today is my last lecture at university. What a strange feeling!! Most of you know the journey I have been on these last 4 years. It was almost as though I was never meant to complete my degree at a few stages!
But here I am, my last two hours of lectures… How did I get here? All the pushing, struggling, and now… I’m here. I still have a lot of work to do, but effectively this means I’m running the last half a mile of the marathon… which actually, started seventeen and a half years ago when I first started my education at four and a half years old!
Thank you to all those you have walked and prayed this journey with me, and thank you God for carrying me to this place in life!
I’m always amazed that people read my blog… I’m even more amazed that people find encouragement from God through God kindly using my blog. What I’m most amazed by though, is this…
So many times I never know what to write. Dad bought me this blog as a gift for Valentine’s Day and I waited 8 months before using it. I’m one of these people who would LOVE to be able to keep a diary, but I don’t have the patience or the discipline. But when I do write on this blog, usually it’s just something I’ve been thinking about… I write purely for me. Yet somehow, God seems to use these things as seeds that have been planted, and when someone reads the blog, well, they get something out of it.
I’m no special exception, my family together, all the time we’re told we’re an inspiration particularly in light of Mike’s death… but why?! We’re not behaving in any special way! We’re just being our normal human selves! But I don’t want to discard these comments completely because I’m not an outsider looking at myself or my family.
Dad and I talked a bit about this… and we think EVERYTHING about our lives at the moment is a choice. Since Mike died we have had to face many “firsts” in life. The first christmas without him, the first birthday without him, buying his favourite food without him, deleting his email from our family distribution lists… we are 100% learning to live again differently. Each of this little daily situations can either be funerals or celebrations… we have a choice. We can make the most out of the situation or we can curl up in a ball. But again, we are no different, each of us, along with the rest of the human race, is faced with a choice every second of every day.
Planting seeds for God is a choice too… but I think in many ways, it’s a less obvious than “shall I go to the toilet or wait til my bladder bursts”. But heres the thing… planting seeds for God, is far more important than many of the decisions we face each day. So why are we so shallow and superficial in this area? I am realising more and more, God only needs you to do the littlest of things, like write a blog, talk to a friend, go out your way one day for a neighbour, and He can make it so much more out of it than you realise… why does this not radically change our behaviour?
Just wanted to give you a small update on life!
Mike Trust – We have kindly been giving financial donations, a Gibson Les Paul 1960 Classic guitar, a saxophone, and promises of more… We are SO blown away by people’s kindness. May I humbly continue to ask for you to (i) Bless the lives of people who would like to be educated in the art of music so they too can share their passions and led worship, and (ii) Bless churches and other Christian institutions in third world and developing countries who have limited musical instruments for their worship groups. How can you bless them? The three keys ways you can help is to give financially to the trust, pray, and raise the publicity levels! Laura and I are also going to work on a promotional video for the Trust too.
University – Well, the last lecture for my course is on thursday! The end of this long period of life is coming to an end! But I still have a lot of work to do. So I’m trying to crack on with that!
Placement – there are still some finer details to be ironed out. So I would greatly appreciate your prayers on that!
Where is Akila these days?! – Well, I’m contracted to the property in Leicester for an academic year, however, I’m coming to Carlisle for two months and then onto london for 5 months. So I’m looking to replace my tenancy. I’ve had small interest, and the land lord has a viewing on Wednesday… so I’m praying and trusting god! But please join me in prayer because that would be an incredible release for me financially. Currently wherever I stay in London I will have to ask that my board is for free, however this release might mean I can contribute a tiny something towards the persons kindness for putting up with me!
Christmas and life in general – Since Mike died it’s almost like people have been holding their breaths while they watch my family and I go through this time in our lives, especially the lead up to christmas. I wondered what it would be like without Mike but in all honesty, we’re going to be ok. Dad and I have had many chats on this and like he said, we’re sad and we’re hurting REGARDLESS of what day it is! Why will Christmas be any different. I think there are two reasons why christmas will not be a struggle without mike. 1 christmas is about the birth of Jesus, it’s a time to come together with loved ones and celebrate his birth and our purpose in life. we have a CHOICE to either curl up and ball our eyes out (snot and the lot), or remember the very essence of christmas. We can still make it fun! Painful, hard, sad… yes… but genuinely, mask free, still being 100% honest and real, do-able. 2 The prayers and encouragement of you all. Dad put it very well the other day, we feel like we’ve been riding on the wave of your prayers. None of this has been in our strength and in many ways, I WILL argue, Mike’s death as almost been easy… How could I possibly say that?! Because of the Grace, Love and Kindness we have been showered from both you all and God as you guys have picked me and my family up and walked with journey with us.
My Man – Ahhhh only 44 days to go! Then he will be in England for a couple weeks! It will have been 121 days since I last saw him and I’m super excited! Laura found out what he sent me for christmas and cried?! I asked if it was a ring?! HAHA… Well! I couldn’t work out why she reacted the way she did! Anyways, phone lines have been RUBBISH for the past 6 weeks so we haven’t spoken on the phone for over 6 weeks now! I’m certainly looking forward to them leaving Guyana and going onto Netherlands Antilles (Beautiful Island in the Caribbean) so we have a wicked chat!!!!
Ok on a really random note I have no feeling where I was injected last week… that can’t be right can it?!
I’ve been thinking a lot about those who are hurting lately. Recently we’ve had devastating flooding in Cumbria where homes have been complete destroyed, I have a friend who’s best friend was killed in a car crash recently, and I have other friends who are searching for love and belonging. I guess my list could go on and on…
My heart breaks for these people. Many of them come to me looking for answers and even when I’ve been through so much and can relate so well to their pain, I struggle to give them the perfect answer.
I think the world is crying out for “Real”. But being real, comes from depth of character and how does this depth grow? Through digging. Digging is not easy, or fun… even when there is treasure to be found, no one finds treasure with a child’s plastic beach spade and bucket. It takes sweat, tears and blood. I think people will never be happy in this world. It’s impossible, money doesn’t buy, lust and infatuation doesn’t stay, and relationships crack with a gentle breeze of conflict.
I don’t have the space to write as much as I would like, but through my own experience (I’ve been told to write a book by several people haha), I really believe holding onto God is the way forward. I do. But intertwined with this is communication. You have to be real in how you talk to people. Be honest and stop being afraid of what people will think or how they will respond. Be gentle when you challenge others, be genuine when others come to you, respect people, and be honest when you need to speak.
I wish I could say I have it all together, I really don’t. I wish I did! But the problems in life will never go away if you don’t speak out, and act on it! Like I suggested, by holding onto and rooting who you are in WHO God is. I wish I could be there for my friends far more than I am. I hope they all know I am here for them. But I know who is always there for them no matter what. But it’s your choice whether to put your trust in that person. Please, if my words have any value, then please, start and/or keep talking to God. I promise you, He will NEVER disappoint you and in your hurt He WILL shower you with Love.
Books – I’m reading a book called Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb, you should read it, it’s pretty good!
Love – My sister is in love with Taylor Launter and is devistated he’s dating Taylor Swift… this is what she said to me “Akila!!! Taylor Lautner IS dating Talor Swift, I’m so GUTTED!!!!! But if they get married they’ll both be called Taylor Lautner!!! Which is SO stupid!!!! It should be Laura Launter…OH NO!!!! That’s EVEN worse!!!!!”
University – 2 more lectures and I’m done and moving back up to my folks for two months… the LONGEST I will have lived there in 4 years! I have two essays, one dissertation, one 80 day placement, one placement porfolio, and 7 modules for a computer course to complete in 9 months. My goal, before Fitz comes to England I want to have completed one essay, 3 computer modules and 1/2 my dissertation.
My man – Less than 7 weeks and I get to see him again! Will have been 120 days since I last saw him!
Other random news – I still have a whole bunch of Christmas shopping to do and I’ve been reorganising my room at my folks, first time in 4 years too!
Last night around 2am I was rudely woken by an agonising pain in my left side. Unsure what to do first or what was going on, throw up or get in the bath and try and use hot water to ease the pain, I did the later, quickly giving up after 10 minutes and got my parents up.
Walking around was reduced to rolling around on the floor of the bathroom half in pain half trying to keep the vomit out my hair. I tried to make use of my time by praying for those with problems with their kidneys and for God to keep my friends and family safe. After a couple minutes I tried walking but every time I attempted it I would just be sick again!
2 hours later after all this, a trip to the emergency doctor, and 3 injections… I came home and went back to sleep. What did I learn from it? 1. If kidney stones is like giving birth, then giving birth is going to be a breeze! 2. I should never of eaten so much cheese on Friday according to Laura. and 3. Women can multi task even when in pain!
Whatta weekend it’s been!
I travelled up from Leicester on Thursday night and started the weekend off early Friday with a trip down to the City Courts. Mike’s Inquest was held at 10am. Wasn’t sure what to expect emotionally but as they proceeded I couldn’t help but feel emotional! Dad was called as a witness and had to swear on the bible and give a statement of who Mike was and his role here on Earth. It was somewhat fitting that before God and the Law Dad gave this somewhat closing testimony of Mike’s Legacy and to declare to the Heavens and Man, Evil did not take Mike.
Friday morning evolved into Christmas shopping in the afternoon, a surprise gift waiting on the front doorstep from my Man to my folks (a bottle of Champagne!!), and a Christmas meal with OM in the evening… I ate about a kilo of Cheese! I think it’s more comical being there in the moment!
Saturday morning started with writing my dissertation, to be pleasantly interrupted half way through by my sister and large black box with my name on it. My Man sent me 20 red, pink, yellow, and white roses! Todd and Karen arrived from America soon after and the house became even more jolly as christmas decorations were put up, amazing food was prepared, and Todd and Dad got funky with Mike’s left over shower gel in the jacuzzi! The bubbles were more than impressive! Definitely one way to throw out a bottle of gel! Well, to be fair, it was Mikes Scent, crazy as it sounds… very difficult to let go… so Dad did it in style!
Sunday was a little slower, with research being conducted on my sister (yes, I knew she was weird) and 6 of her friends. By the 4th slice of pizza, I decided I was never going to eat again after all the food I ate over the weekend! Until today of course!
Today too was slower, but after an email to my grandma about my placement at Scotland Yard needing ironing out with some key details, I received a phone call from the PA of the man in charge of my placement with an appointment for me to attend! I also received permission to defer a big project for University that was suppose to be handed in middle of January, I now have until august. Shifting pressure to make it more manageable in light of my life and university circumstances.
As those reading my blog know, I have so struggled with the “unknown” in life during recent times, but after that one day, where I suddenly realised this is not my battle, things are still ever so much up in the air… but not once, have I felt anxious about anything. I feel like the “process” is happening, God is definitely orchestrating the things in life to come together, and I have no idea whats next or what my destiny is… and I’m more than OK with it. At peace and enjoying the ride focusing on putting one step in front of the other.
Laura is going through her Mock exams for her final year of high school. Would appreciate all the prayers you can give for her! I know she would love to feel and be able to be confident, focuses, disciplined and at peace!