Today I am learning yet again the art of advice. It is definitely a very very tricky one to get right. I know I have failed so many friends and people on that, and for that I am really sorry.
May I suggest something, if you have not been through something before, don’t act like you know the answers. You don’t. I have experienced death but do I understand what it is like for someone else… NO! What do me and my family have to offer after going through it… other than a listening ear and a hug?? ALMOST NOTHING! We struggle to know what to say to people when they are grieving! why?! No two situations are the same. You and I can go through the exact same situation… but the dynamics involved can be COMPLETELY different!
How dare we be so ignorant and short-sighted? WE… and I do know “WE” because I speak for a number of people when I say this… struggle so so so much to be real and honest about our lives, feels, thoughts, and situations and all it takes is one statement to wreck it all for someone. It takes one word to trigger an intense battle with compartmentalization and masks. Depression in the mist of vulnerability is 100% interrelated! Fragility does become apart of who we are in the mist of a battle.
If you don’t like the way someone is responding or agree with it… like for example, they struggle to think about the future or be positive when they’re battling through the present… then I tell you STOP JUDGING. What the bloody heck would you know if you have not been through it or know exactly what this person is going through in light of ALL the dynamics one faces. Be very very very careful what you say to someone when you offer them advice or challenge them. Don’t get spiritual about it. Get practical and get along side that person. They are the expert of their own situation. NOT you. The other dangerous thing in times like this is you can completely destroy a relationship with someone, especially if you are not that close to them in the first place!!!!!
In due time, the advice you could possibility offer will become relevant and appropriate… but question yourself for goodness sake. Ask yourself, “What the heck do I know????” and get off the high horse in the mean time!