What faith can do…
In the last few days, in response to the confusion and frustration I’ve been feeling, my Grandma and my Man have been sharing with me about the confusion Mary (the mother of Jesus) went through in life too.
I’ve kind of been thinking, every single person in the bible went through some sort of period in their life where they had absolutely no idea what God was up to. Mary, Abraham, Naomi, Daniel, Jesus’s Disciples, Elijah, Job, Moses… but each one of them continued to put one foot in front of the other, making the decision to trust and follow… even if it really didn’t look like that on the outside.
Dad sent me the latest Kutless CD a couple weeks ago and I really like this section of one of the songs…
“Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do”
It seems to be the journey is a long and difficult one, one where the choice is constantly being renewed. I knew that, but in many ways, no matter how many times you hear following God and trust God is not an easy path… I feel like no amount of warning could have prepared me for it. I hear all the time God will never give me anything I can’t handle… but you know what I’ve discovered, God has no limits. No boundaries. In many ways, after everything that has happened in the last 4 years, I feel like I’m just living for the next thing to come along. Whats God going to throw in my path next?
Every day I’m faced with this decision to keep going. I told Fitz today, I’m ready to give up. What I mean by that I havent a clue. But I’m in a place where I don’t want anymore. Mentally and emotionally I want to walk away from everything in life. The only reason I’m still going, is far from self achievement. Far from drive, determination, self pity, or a defence/survival mechanism… my mind feels so numb sometimes and all I can FEEL is a gentle pull from God. One more step. One more foot in front of the other. It surprises me sometimes that God’s Grace even extends to what feels like Him saying “OK Akila, if you are not in the mood today, I will get you through it in my strength.” I wish I had the faith of those you see in the bible. Truth is, God is doing a lot of this living for me.