I had a sweet little time with God this morning, and I kinda wondered if He was promoting me to look at my bible verse calender. Today’s verse was 2 Corinthians 1:3… “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort…”
Next to the verse is a little message which said…”There does come a Joy known to those who suffer with Me. But that is not the result of the suffering, but the result of the close intimacy with Me, to which suffering drove you.”
Lately I’ve been really struggling to sleep again at night. My mind seems to switch on and go crazy on me. Especially a very predictable crawl into bed and a burst into tears, followed by, “Oh God, please, no more, I don’t wanna cry anymore…” 99% of the time in relation to Mike’s death. So, I tend to avoid going to bed and driving myself a bit too hard in hope that I’ll just pass out from being so tired.
But today’s verse I think really hit home, for many reasons, the fear of the unknown in life and the result of Mike dying. I’m so tired and drained emotionally, physically and mentally with everything that is going on in life, that the very thought of trying to face another day is a bit overwhelming. But I think God is trying to tell me, not to be afraid of my emotions, my thoughts, and my feelings. Because He really wants to Help me. If I do cry at night, then that’s OK, if I do struggle with something, that’s OK too! Wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, He’s next to me, and nothing if too big for Him to handle even when I think it’s too big for me to handle.
I emailed Fitz the other day over something, and I wrote something along the lines of “Oh well, at least it keeps you on your knees before God.” I think I’m understanding one of the dynamics of rejoicing in your suffering. It’s not that you’re suppose to be happy and even positive future thinking over it… it’s because it does exactly what I said to Fitz and what this little message said today… It’s the opportunity and result of drawing close to God that it worth rejoicing about.