A couple nights ago, I was walking home from the university library, it was dark and cold and I was just wanting to get inside! But as I was plodding along, the Number 48 bus to Coventry went past me, and I found myself thinking, “I would be on that bus going to see Mike at worship college.”
As I continued to think on this, my mind wandered again to all the things that could have been, I was really looking forward to visiting Mike when he moved down near me. Our cities are only 20 minutes apart. But all those things a sister has to look forward to, the memories she can be a part of with her brother, the birthdays, the broken bones, the girlfriend(s), the wedding, the first born, the pain, the joy…everything has been taken away from me. Sometimes I feel so robbed by God…But then, God knows the number of days we have, so all those things, they were never ment to be, they were never going to happen.
I started to think about Mike’s dream to go to Worship college, how he worked his butt off, and then never got there in the end…I know I’m ignoring a lot of important factors in saying that, but, what about my life? What about your life? God allowed Mike to go down that path, believing in what could be argued, a false hope…and God allowed me to go down a path, and allowed me to believe all those future things with Mike were yet to come, only they never will. He never warned me about that…He probably didn’t warn you about your life and the hurt and disappointment you have gone/are going/will go through either.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the things in my life, my future, the long distance relationship, my dreams…how much of it do we really control? Where is it that God is actually leading us? How do I keep dreaming and striving forward without being fearful of the hurt and disappointment that could come?
The only conclusion I’ve come to is this, God doesn’t intervene, and he doesn’t warn us. He doesn’t stop things from happening and he DOES allow his own to go through the worst situations here on Earth. The only way we can survive is to live WITH God. Somehow we gotta FOCUS on Him and LISTEN…and even when we do all of that…we are completely dependant on His Grace, only He can get us through…
“Look at my Life, Look at my Heart, I have seen them Fall apart, Now I’m ready to Rise again, Look at my Hopes, Look at my Dreams, I’m building bridges from the scenes, Now I’m ready to Rise again…” Gabrielle (Singer)