I stumbled across this just before…
“Because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.” Luke 1:78-79 (NIV)
Ha… how very true that was before Mike died, during Mike’s death, and still today! Thank You Jesus!
Hmmmm, today has been a struggle. Some things are definitely out my control and are really upsetting. Crying your eyes out in front of your land lord is a pretty low point! Haha.
I wrote a quick email to my Man listing all the things that were upsetting me… I’m a list person!… and then I started to talk to a close friend on Facebook… sharing my sadness, uncertainty, confusion…
At the same time, I was listening to a message about “Authentic Faith”… and some of the things that jumped out to me was
Authentic Faith must be centred in who God is and who we are in Him… if our Faith is not grounded in a knowledge of who God is, then we are like what James says, ships on the sea. Moving by the power of the waves, the power of life…
I think its pretty clear to me that I get so overwhelmed by things in life. So confused. To be honest, it’s the odd occasion that I immediately go to God when I have a problem. I get so worried and so upset… and I totally forget God’s Glory and Power. I forget that He is MY Saviour! I forget He Loves me, Cares about me, and wants to Help me and Bless me. I think I rob God of so many powerful opportunities to talk to me, reveal His plans, His Power and He’s Goodness…
Where is my Faith planted? In all honesty… I think I plant my faith in myself far too much… and when it all hits the fan… which doesn’t take much doing when I’m planting the faith seeds in me… I struggle, and call it a day. This message that I was listening to was saying, that when we look to God, not only do we find Strength, but if we plant even one tiny seed of Faith in Him… the Bible tells us we can tell mountains to move, and they WILL.
So, I’m gonna go back to my place, I’m going to tell God everything, give it to Him, and watch Him help me. And when I start feeling over whelmed, upset, confused, hurt, unmotivated… I’m going to speak Truth into the situation, and rely on God. I hope I can write again soon sharing the sweet story of how God helped me out from today’s issues…
CHECK IT OUT!
So, a couple days ago I brought up something that I’ve been thinking about, but I couldn’t really work out my thoughts or feelings exactly… see the post “I just can’t seem to...” Anyways, I asked for some insight from you all and I’ve received a really good response! Thanks everyone for your help!
A family member talked about the need to have a thankful heart and not let Satan ruin the blessings that came through that period of life; a friend suggested that what I was feeling is really normal considering the situations in life at the minute; and another friend suggested sometimes it’s only after something happens, or doesn’t happen, or we lose something… do we realise it’s value. So! After some reflection, I realised that combined, I think all these things are very true.
In an immediate and short-term level, on the ship after Mike died and before I went home, so many people did so many really awesome things that made me feel so loved. But it was only once I arrived back in England, a couple days later, and after “recovering” from the initial shock of hearing Mike died, that I could really appreciate those awesome people and their actions. I found it hard to enjoy myself during those special moments because I was so caught up, rightfully, in shock and confusion. But in time, I was able to so so so enjoy reflecting back on these things and smiling at it all.
Instead of the inital shock and confusion of Mike dying, I realised I am still very much going through the process of Mike’s death. But this time, dealing with a far far far greater consuming picture. Every day is a different battle, one being realising what I had, didnt have, and lost…
The best advice I was ever given as a result of Mike’s death was firstly, initially by and man and his wife from the ship, was “Let the emotions come the way they come, and don’t try and cover it“. Secondly, from a close friend, “It’s OK to be angry, confused, ask questions, shout, swear…”
I honestly think people are so afraid to deal and admit emotion, especially in the Christian world because it can be seen as “ungrateful, selfish, not rejoicing in your sufferings…” But God is bigger than that. Being REAL is THE way to go through these things! Because, I believe, being real is the only way to acknowledge an issue, grow, learn, and heal…
So, where am I in life? Well, in light of the advice, experience, and wisdom of those around me… I am still in the centre of dealing with Mike’s Death. What I say or write is part of working my feelings and thoughts out. A jumble of many mixed emotions competing against each other… (I also wrote a poem about this under the post ‘Breathless‘”) Whilst I’m confused as ever over somethings, I believe I am now clear if I just keep moving forward, refusing to let Satan have a strong hold, and keep injecting reflection, trust in God, and thankfulness… one day, I will be able to see the complete Glory of God in this situation….
Thank You everyone… I’m still learning so please do feel free to comment or email as I greatly appreciate you caring to walk this road with me 🙂
Man, Alive! What a day it has been!
It started off with an awesome nights sleep from 9pm til 6.45am this morning, and I dunno about you, but my priorities seem to lie with checking in on my cyber life first thing in the morning… my Man emailed me to say he’s aim to come to England and see me in Nine weeks! Yes! Finally! It will have been four months by that point since we last saw each other!
Then I made an important phone call to find out about my final year placement and got some SWEET news FINALLY! Without it being 100%, some finer details are to be ironed out, it looks like I will be completing my placement in the UK’s most famous police station, Scotland Yard.
Then my lectures for the day got cancelled so I was able to focus on other pressing chores and my Dissertation…
Yet again I had to smile with how God works… when it all comes together, man does it take off! 🙂
“Know Me. Talk to Me. Let Me talk to you, so that I may make it clear to your loving heart what seems mysterious and purposeless” Inspired by Psalm 16:7
Ok, I need advice, I can’t put my finger on something. Maybe you can help me because it’s something that’s been bothering me, and I wanna get to the bottom of it!
This year I was going to turn 21…FINALLY! Deep down I was really excited, kinda hoped my birthday would be as sweet as I heard about 21st! Early into the year I discovered I’d be spending it in the Caribbean. Talked about excited! It was a secret dream I had for 4 years, spending it with those I loved in the Caribbean, I couldn’t help but think of some of the things I could get up to!
As it got closer, being on the ship, I did bring it up to people around me. But tried really hard not to hope or have any expectations because in my experience, these things never happen the way you’d like them too. In fact, I even took my birthday off Facebook so no one would know…
Closer and closer it got, and it was bothering me a lot that my family were not going to be with me. Since I was 11, I’ve only spent my real birthday with my family twice. Every year I spent it at camp…yes it was my choice, and would I change that? Probably not, but I just really wanted my family to be with me on my 21st. They weren’t for my 18th, I spent it alone, and My 21st meant so much to me for so many reasons, a very special time…
17 days before my 21st birthday, Mike died, and I went back to England. 5 days before my birthday, I buried my brother.
I was and still am so grateful to God, He knew Mike was going to died, so instead of giving me 1 awesome day for my birthday. He blessed me so so so much leading up to Mike’s Death, in amongst the funeral planning and at the funeral, and after we buried Mike.
I was able to see Mike one last time before I sailed and said goodbye to him before he died. My Man asked me on a date and we’ve been together ever since. I sailed from Ireland to Saint Vincent on the best voyage ever. The day Mike died my Man took me with two good friends to the beach and just stood hugging me in the sea as I talked, laughed and cried about Mike…Going back to England was an incredible experience. So many people came to be with us as a family. Family and friends from all over the globe, Australia, America, Europe, Caribbean… no way would they have all come for my 21st so I felt so blessed that they were all there close enough to it…I spent my 21st at camp, with some of the worlds greatest friends. My sister and my Man were both there. My two best friends. And the group made my day feel as special as they could, baking me a cake, singing happy birthday every second they could, pinning me down and drowning me with 21 cups of water…THEN…the immediate family went to spend a week in America with some very close family friends. Again, this was an incredible time …
But why…even after all that, do I feel sad? I wouldn’t have it any other way, I wouldn’t even consider trading what I did have those 6 weeks for what I had in my mind… but, there’s something on my heart, that I can’t work out. I’m not happy… and I don’t know why, I’m not even sure what I’m looking for… I wondered if it’s a selfish attitude, but I don’t think so, I’m so grateful and thankful to everyone and God… maybe it’s just something that should of been an awesome memory, is something certainly special, but overshadowed and tarnished with pain…
I thought I would inject some fun into this blog and reflect on the trouble and chaos I have wonderfully orchestrated these past few days!
Those who know me will be able to tell you, I LOVE inflicting a good old prank on some helpless victim! My latest being that I figured Facebook is a wonderful tool of social gossip…and wouldn’t it be awesome to freak my Man out and tell the world I was going wedding dress shopping! Needless to say I received multiple comments, emails and Facebook chats pretty quickly!! Poor Fitz found out whilst he was on the beach and someone came up to him and ask if he was engaged!
Whilst I was on the ship many pranks were played, including waxing, ambushing and tying people up to a pole in the heart of the ship, stealing clothes and handling them out to random people to wear around the ship, placing “soiled” nappies on peoples beds (the “poo” was made up from left over gravy, coco, and Marmite), freezing clothes in giant blocks of ice, sewing up the trouses legs of multiple guys so that when they tied putting them on, their legs wouldnt go through, stealing guys underwear, putting on an immersion suit and waiting for an hour to jump out and start chasing the next victim to walk by, toilet papering the director’s office and blaming it on others (Sorry Packwood Family), doing spider man impressions by climbing over book hold cages to get to the carpenter store to get glue to put in a guys hair so he would have to shave it off,… I heard a great one about putting jelly fish down the toilets… need to try that one!
I thought my pranking days were at a high on the ship, but recently I realised I was a prankster at university and growing up too…at uni we tried to mix vodka into the nutella sandwich spread by mixing it the microwave but that ended up exploding, mixing salt and sugar, waiting for flat mates to go on a drunken night and duck tape their doors completely shut leaving them only a pair of scissors, cling filming toilet bowls and door frames, wearing scary masks and waiting for flat mates to come out the toilet/shower, when it snowed we bought in bags full of snow and had a snow fight before building it up against the doors of other flat mates, making use of the free condoms that the health clinic at uni gave us by leaving them as presents for people on their door handles, staking up all the chairs outside people’s rooms so they couldnt get in or out, dressing up as a celebrity and my flat mates as body guards and went to the supermarket (yes, people did get out the aisles for us haha)…I also had some pretty sweet food fights with my manager…
… So, you ever need any advice on a good laugh…feel free to ask!!! 🙂